how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize