i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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