Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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