no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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