you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize