Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
