when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
