I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
