Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize