I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
