once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
