Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
