if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize