So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
