In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
