just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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