PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
