I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
