well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
