I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
