just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
How does it feel to date your dad?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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