yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
