a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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