just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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