Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
