he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
