if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
be right there i have to get my cape
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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