his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize