Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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