dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize