Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
