I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
