and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
