dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
