all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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