how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize