Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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