The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
