and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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