The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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