Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
