I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
