Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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