Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize