The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
