My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just gargled with NyQuil
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
