you guys were way drunker than both of me
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
