its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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