We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
