Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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