We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
