Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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