'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
