he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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