Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
