What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
