her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
