dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Randomize