I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
