I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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