1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
