they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
