I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
