we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
