if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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