he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
