that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize