That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
