If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
sarcasm needs its own font
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
