Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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