You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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