So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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