did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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