addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
