sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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