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Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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