does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
