living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize