I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
