I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
this is an emotional support booty call
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
