Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
