why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
