I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
