Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
