They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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