fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
