Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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