dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
