You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
