if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize