I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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