Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
