we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
