I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize