So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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