I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
