I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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