you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
