Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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