I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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